Me > Blah blah blah
Feb. 15th, 2007 01:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zouzounakiBeen thinking a whole lot about actor obsession lately. I dunno, it's strange, I never thought 30 would make a difference, but here I find myself coming up on three decades of existence, I'm thinking a lot about my habits, my tastes, and what will change, what should change and what will never change.
I guess I always felt like there was some sort of childlike stigma attached to actor obsessions; you know, the wink behind her back meaning, 'we know why she really wants to see the movie...' It's of course a total fallacy because adults a lot older than me still religiously follow Brad and Angelina's every move, scramble to see who Leo is dating after his breakup etc. Not that I look down on that; we each have our own hobbies and distractions and as long as we're not hurting anyone, to each their own. Of course, there are always celebrity stalkers, which are extreme cases and probably make up something like .05 of celebrity fandom in general.
And then, much more commonly, there are the people who can't really seperate the reality of stardom with their own fantasies. Again, most of these people are in no way dangerous, but it's an extreme and isn't healthy for the people either. And don't get me wrong, because I think a lot of the times, 'Oh, we'd get along if we met.' Or, 'We'd have really interesting conversations,' and even, 'He'd so hit on me!' But there's that line, that thing that reminds you that this person exists mostly inside your head, even what you know and like of their personality and life is applied in terms of your fantasies. It's their job, to do that, to enter your imgination so prominently; that's how they become and stay famous! It's not necessarily an enlightened point of view, but more a personal preference of mine. They are only human, right? But, in my fantasies, they can have all the same quirks, all the same habits and personality traits without all that muss and fuss of real life getting in the way.
So, getting back to the original topic: Why do I feel like it's juvenile, at my age, to have a celebrity crush (and I'll stop using obsession because I think I defined that pretty well above, and that ain't me)? Or a new celebrity crush, because I'm not ashamed of the ones I've had since I was a wee tot.
Maybe it's partly because my ideas of celebrity crushes haven't changed since I was young. I'm extremely interested in the celebrities I crush on, in their talent and their personality, and both of those can make a star the most physically attractive person I've ever seen. Very few times have I crushed on someone just because of their looks--as a matter of fact, I can't really think of one. I'm not trying to sell you that I'm the least shallow fan in existence because that'd just be silly; I have my shallowness, trust me! A role they play can click with me and someone who I've seen around all my life can suddenly just grip me (see: my most recent crush on Nic Cage, whom my sister's had a rare an elusive man-crush on for a while now and whose movies I've grown up watching.)
But back to the juvenilia. Certainly I'm in fandoms now where I know plenty of women my age and older who have respectable celebrity crushes, so why do I still feel embarrassed about it? Why am I hesitant to admit even in private that I want to watch everything I can get my hands on of that particular actor/actress? How does someone with almost no social taboos (me), blush at the mere mention of a crush's name because I feel like I'm being judged? It's like a mental block that I have, though it's only really started rearing it's ugly head over the past couple of years, as I got older.
I've always been the baby of the family and in some ways, ways I'm just discovering, I've always felt like everything I did was sort of the immature version of what the adults around me were doing (the closest family member in age, my sister, is still eight years older than me). I was aware at a very young age, which I've discussed with my sister before, condescending attitudes towards me even as little as five or six. You know, 'the kid said something incorrectly, it's so cute let's laugh in her face and never let her forget it.' I said it earlier on in the post, about that sly, knowing attitude of just wanting to watch a movie because mr. or ms. x is in it. Which I have done and have been extremely upfront about it. I am severely interested in acting ability but lookin' at 'em is fine too sometimes, and a good goofball action flick is sometimes the most fun thing to watch.
So where is this all going, you may ask, if you've been patient enough to actually read through all of my ramblings. The answer is, I dunno. That's what I'm interested in finding out. I think it's good to get it out there, to actually try to articulate what I'm feeling instead of holding it in because that only leads to twelve kinds of unhealthy. I think it's better to stand back a bit too and really think about what I've written, why I feel that way and what can be done.
Oh, and, if you've read my journal, you probably know I've got a wicked sense of humor, in more ways than one. Which is why I renamed my journal what i have. But I have to admit, even I blushed when it showed up in HUGE letters at the top of the page with my new format. Not enough to change it, mind, heh!
Peace, Ghani
I guess I always felt like there was some sort of childlike stigma attached to actor obsessions; you know, the wink behind her back meaning, 'we know why she really wants to see the movie...' It's of course a total fallacy because adults a lot older than me still religiously follow Brad and Angelina's every move, scramble to see who Leo is dating after his breakup etc. Not that I look down on that; we each have our own hobbies and distractions and as long as we're not hurting anyone, to each their own. Of course, there are always celebrity stalkers, which are extreme cases and probably make up something like .05 of celebrity fandom in general.
And then, much more commonly, there are the people who can't really seperate the reality of stardom with their own fantasies. Again, most of these people are in no way dangerous, but it's an extreme and isn't healthy for the people either. And don't get me wrong, because I think a lot of the times, 'Oh, we'd get along if we met.' Or, 'We'd have really interesting conversations,' and even, 'He'd so hit on me!' But there's that line, that thing that reminds you that this person exists mostly inside your head, even what you know and like of their personality and life is applied in terms of your fantasies. It's their job, to do that, to enter your imgination so prominently; that's how they become and stay famous! It's not necessarily an enlightened point of view, but more a personal preference of mine. They are only human, right? But, in my fantasies, they can have all the same quirks, all the same habits and personality traits without all that muss and fuss of real life getting in the way.
So, getting back to the original topic: Why do I feel like it's juvenile, at my age, to have a celebrity crush (and I'll stop using obsession because I think I defined that pretty well above, and that ain't me)? Or a new celebrity crush, because I'm not ashamed of the ones I've had since I was a wee tot.
Maybe it's partly because my ideas of celebrity crushes haven't changed since I was young. I'm extremely interested in the celebrities I crush on, in their talent and their personality, and both of those can make a star the most physically attractive person I've ever seen. Very few times have I crushed on someone just because of their looks--as a matter of fact, I can't really think of one. I'm not trying to sell you that I'm the least shallow fan in existence because that'd just be silly; I have my shallowness, trust me! A role they play can click with me and someone who I've seen around all my life can suddenly just grip me (see: my most recent crush on Nic Cage, whom my sister's had a rare an elusive man-crush on for a while now and whose movies I've grown up watching.)
But back to the juvenilia. Certainly I'm in fandoms now where I know plenty of women my age and older who have respectable celebrity crushes, so why do I still feel embarrassed about it? Why am I hesitant to admit even in private that I want to watch everything I can get my hands on of that particular actor/actress? How does someone with almost no social taboos (me), blush at the mere mention of a crush's name because I feel like I'm being judged? It's like a mental block that I have, though it's only really started rearing it's ugly head over the past couple of years, as I got older.
I've always been the baby of the family and in some ways, ways I'm just discovering, I've always felt like everything I did was sort of the immature version of what the adults around me were doing (the closest family member in age, my sister, is still eight years older than me). I was aware at a very young age, which I've discussed with my sister before, condescending attitudes towards me even as little as five or six. You know, 'the kid said something incorrectly, it's so cute let's laugh in her face and never let her forget it.' I said it earlier on in the post, about that sly, knowing attitude of just wanting to watch a movie because mr. or ms. x is in it. Which I have done and have been extremely upfront about it. I am severely interested in acting ability but lookin' at 'em is fine too sometimes, and a good goofball action flick is sometimes the most fun thing to watch.
So where is this all going, you may ask, if you've been patient enough to actually read through all of my ramblings. The answer is, I dunno. That's what I'm interested in finding out. I think it's good to get it out there, to actually try to articulate what I'm feeling instead of holding it in because that only leads to twelve kinds of unhealthy. I think it's better to stand back a bit too and really think about what I've written, why I feel that way and what can be done.
Oh, and, if you've read my journal, you probably know I've got a wicked sense of humor, in more ways than one. Which is why I renamed my journal what i have. But I have to admit, even I blushed when it showed up in HUGE letters at the top of the page with my new format. Not enough to change it, mind, heh!
Peace, Ghani
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no subject
on 2007-02-19 06:24 pm (UTC)What the heck did I miss?
Oh my, have I actually not gossiped about thsi to you before?! Heeheehee!
Weeeelllll, where to start...Ah, yes, the 19 year old he picked up at an anti-war rally infront of the Capital Building, whom he decided to bring along to our dinner with him. She had no freakin' clue who we were, so I have to feel sorry for her; she looked like she was stuck in The Twilight Zone, bwahahahaha!
Let me tell you, he is such an egomaniac; he talked about himself all night but then pretended to be so disturbed by us, like we were molesting him. He picked one place to sit the entire night, in the corner, didn't introduce himself even to Sandra, who was the one who had written him the letter asking him to meet us. The rest of us were on our own to get drunk and giggle behind his back (which we did with aplomb! The bar actually ran out of Smirnoffs! I'm totally serious!)
I know a lot of the people with us had a good time, mostly those who were at his table, but others are just in complete denial. I had to wait until I was alone with PowderMonkey before we burst out laughing about the whole thing, hehehe!