State of withdrawal
Aug. 31st, 2006 12:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zouzounakiOy vey. So, I've been meaning to update this for some time and, as a result, my symptoms of withdrawal (I decided to go off of the highly chemically addictive clorazepate, a form of valium, about two months ago) have advanced. My original intention was to update on my progress, but so far I've already gone through three different stages!
1- Ah, the regular symptoms of perscription drug withdrawal, including the shakes, regular panic attacks, mood swings and depression. I used to think this was the absolute worst, back when I was going off of paxil, and it was pretty bad; my mom was horrified to see that I looked and acted like what she called a heroin addict. But, of course, with a mind altering substance, you're always gonna go deeper...
part the second- Yes, and here came the intense depression and paranoia, maybe even a suicidal thought or two or twenty (not to worry, though! I'm not one to seriously contemplate the realities of suicide, even when I'm going through a period of suicidal hate! It's a different thing, to think about it than to actually think about doing it). It was around here I stopped really answering friends' e-mails because I was afraid of what I might say; I couldn't really control the feelings and didn't want anyone to worry...
Numero tres- Oh and what a delight this was when it hit me the other night. Anxiety, resltessness and, oh, my personal favorite, puking. Well, technically dry heaving when there was nothing left in my stomach. The not sleeping is always the hardest, luckily I did last night or else it'd be a slippery slope down into a nervous breakdown.
Well, there it is. Every time I think to myself, 'Well, it' can't be much more than this', it surprises me. But what surprises me the most is that I have an optimistic view on all of this. Hey, it's great to be getting this dangerous stuff out of my body, especially when there's a real chance that it was building to toxic levels in my blood stream, if it hadn't already. I've already proven that I don't have an addictive personality, I don't reach for one when things get hard just to get a quick fix and make it stop; that's totally counter-productive, in my opnion, though I know some people can't help it. So, life goes on and, sooner or later, this will just be another chapter in my history. Yeah, it's been hard, which is ahuge understatement, but it's for the best, and I can't really ever not be positive about something I can say that with!
Peace, Ghani
1- Ah, the regular symptoms of perscription drug withdrawal, including the shakes, regular panic attacks, mood swings and depression. I used to think this was the absolute worst, back when I was going off of paxil, and it was pretty bad; my mom was horrified to see that I looked and acted like what she called a heroin addict. But, of course, with a mind altering substance, you're always gonna go deeper...
part the second- Yes, and here came the intense depression and paranoia, maybe even a suicidal thought or two or twenty (not to worry, though! I'm not one to seriously contemplate the realities of suicide, even when I'm going through a period of suicidal hate! It's a different thing, to think about it than to actually think about doing it). It was around here I stopped really answering friends' e-mails because I was afraid of what I might say; I couldn't really control the feelings and didn't want anyone to worry...
Numero tres- Oh and what a delight this was when it hit me the other night. Anxiety, resltessness and, oh, my personal favorite, puking. Well, technically dry heaving when there was nothing left in my stomach. The not sleeping is always the hardest, luckily I did last night or else it'd be a slippery slope down into a nervous breakdown.
Well, there it is. Every time I think to myself, 'Well, it' can't be much more than this', it surprises me. But what surprises me the most is that I have an optimistic view on all of this. Hey, it's great to be getting this dangerous stuff out of my body, especially when there's a real chance that it was building to toxic levels in my blood stream, if it hadn't already. I've already proven that I don't have an addictive personality, I don't reach for one when things get hard just to get a quick fix and make it stop; that's totally counter-productive, in my opnion, though I know some people can't help it. So, life goes on and, sooner or later, this will just be another chapter in my history. Yeah, it's been hard, which is ahuge understatement, but it's for the best, and I can't really ever not be positive about something I can say that with!
Peace, Ghani
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no subject
on 2006-08-31 10:44 pm (UTC)I recently had a very bad reaction to an upped dosage of Norvasc (blood pressure medication). My feet swelled up, and it wasn't like water-retention bloating. When I pressed my finger on a swollen area, it left a depression, like memory foam. YUCK!!
Well, naturally, I went off the Norvasc, but the swelling didn't go down for a week. In fact, it didn't go down until my Thai massage therapist did some "lymph work" or something like that.
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on 2006-09-01 06:28 pm (UTC)God, yes! It's funny, at the time she gave it to me, I hadn't really been on anything heavy for years and was just anxious to have something to make me sleep. Addictive, who cares? Didn't really think that one through. I'm trying to get back to that place, where I'm not relying on more and stronger meds to counteract the affects of the others, you know?
I recently had a very bad reaction to an upped dosage of Norvasc (blood pressure medication). My feet swelled up, and it wasn't like water-retention bloating. When I pressed my finger on a swollen area, it left a depression, like memory foam. YUCK!!
Oh, yikes! Those things are damned scary!
Well, naturally, I went off the Norvasc, but the swelling didn't go down for a week. In fact, it didn't go down until my Thai massage therapist did some "lymph work" or something like that.
Figures. (And oh, but that sounds nice, to have a massage therapist! Mmmm!) I dunno, things really are so dangerous now, it really seems to me that people are about 5 times as likely to get side affects as they were ten years ago. Maybe it's the mixing of meds or the way we eat, but, damn!
Big hugs!
Peace, Ghani
no subject
on 2006-09-01 07:20 pm (UTC)Pharmaceutical companies know how to sell their product, both to doctors and consumers. (I've worked in doctors' offices. I remember when pharmaceutical company representatives dropped by. It was like Christmas! They'd bring catered lunches, pass out all kinds of goodies.) Some doctors hand out drugs like they were candy, and then, as you said, they prescribe other drugs to counteract the effects of the first drugs! And you can't read a magazine without flipping past at least five ads for prescription drugs.
no subject
on 2006-09-01 08:10 pm (UTC)Peace, Ghani